Updated my theme again for halloween, I like this one better ‘cause I’ve got ghosts and bats flyin around now uwu


small things to do that make your mind feel clearer

  • close all your internet tabs except the one you’re using
  • delete all your text messages
  • delete negative people from social networks
  • throw some things away. just throw them away
  • tidy your desk. make a blank surface
  • drink 3 glasses of water
  • open the curtains
  • wash your face and brush your teeth

(via 2spookydratini)

It turns out I’ve actually had flu. I’m on the road to recovery now though hopefully. 

My throat hurts so much :’((((((( 
I’ve barely slept these past couple of days because everything hurts, there’s pain everywhere. I just want to get better :(

I hope everything is okay

Yes don’t worry!
If it’s about the self harm post, I just really related to what beautyinthebellejar posted and felt the need to join in on the rant. It was a good release ‘cause it’s still a big part of my life. I’ve been clean for quite a while now though! 
Thank you. I hope everything’s fine with you too xo


New rant video on self harm and attention seeking

(I hope you don’t mind me adding this, I can remove it if you do though of course!) 
I posted this on facebook and wanted to add it here too. 

"It doesn’t have to be an attention seeking behaviour. I have attention. I’m getting attention from a therapist. A lot of people who cut are actually getting attention. So it’s really kind of insulting when people say ‘if you show your scars’ or ‘if you show your cuts’ or ‘if you wear short sleeves’ and you are a cutter, somehow you’re like a freak and everyone’s gonna whisper and stare at you and think that you are like the worst person in the world because you’re not like a ‘real cutter’ if you show your cuts, and that’s complete bullshit”. 
beautyinthebellejarSelf Harm and Attention Seeking

This really hit home with me ‘cause I still have a lot of bitter memories from wearing short sleeves when I had fresh cuts. I spent years hiding my damn scars, overheating in long sleeves and jackets because I was too afraid to take them off. So one day I decided, to hell with that shit. And then people started making comments, most of them amongst themselves that made their way to me through friends or just being overheard. I’d had the attention seeking commentary before then, but it intensified a lot after that, and really it was stupid because like it says above, I already had attention. I had a psychiatrist, I had a therapist, I had a team of people working for the NHS and part of their job was to pay attention to me. I didn’t need to seek it, especially not from people around school who I rarely even spoke to. One of the things that got to me the most was people calling me disgusting. Saying they didn’t want to see it. Like, fair enough, if cuts trigger you in whatever way, if you’re not good with injuries - if you would have come and told me they made you uncomfortable for any valid reason, I would’ve done my best to cover them around you. But going behind my back, saying “I wish she would cover her arms, they’re gross, I don’t like them”, that’s not okay. That’s bullshit. I have every right to bare my arms, no matter what state they’re in. Would you say something like that about someone who got in an accident that resulted in wounds like that? It’s not really any different just because it was done by myself. I’m still human. I still feel the damn temperature and need to cool down. And regardless of the temperature, I can still wear short sleeves if I want to. (At the time I also didn’t have a choice because it was a part of our uniform). 
Don’t accuse someone of attention seeking when their injuries are visible. Don’t be rude, saying they look ugly and gross and sickening. It probably took a lot of courage to leave them out like that anyway, and they deserve to be comfortable in their own bodies, no matter what.

Feel like death. Couldn’t sleep for the pain in my throat and constant runny nose. My entire face aches, my sinuses, y’know. Everything sucks. I want to sleeeeeeepppppp. 

Also sorry I haven’t been posting as much lately, I haven’t felt like saying much. I just want to be silent for a while I think, in real life too. 

Which would help at the moment since I’ve got a horrible sore throat, gdi. I hate being ill but I literally nearly always am. One of the things I’m best known for by people around me is the fact that I’m constantly sneezing. Constantly. 

I’ve only had two appointments with my new psychiatrist and already I might be getting a new one, everyone leaves me lmao

In other news, adult services are really shit at issuing appointments. They schedule them without any input from you and then you’re sent a letter that often doesn’t arrive until like a few days before your appointment, and then if you can’t get to it you have to wait another six weeks for them to give you another, and you don’t know if that one’s gonna be alright for you either. Plus if you cancel too many, regardless of the reasons, you’ll be discharged from the service. It’s shit! 

I’m still grateful to have appointments at all. I know it could be a lot worse. It just would help if I could actually attend at least the majority of them, y’know? They need to sort their organization out. 

we joke about procrastination but nothing is worse than the nauseating feeling of having every intention of doing something but physically not being capable of doing it and then feeling like you want to throw up because the deadline is just getting closer and closer.

(Source: lifeafterbeths, via maeruu)